today…ok that’s enough
Not sure if there will be pictures today (oh look at that there are pictures 🤣) but when mind&motivation align out comes either my journal or a blog entry. So here we are. Welcome! Are you enjoying your day? It’s overcast with high clouds today but for the most part it’s not interrupting my mood. Not the greatest brightest most energetic mood but I’m noticing little bits of goodness and responding to them.
Muddy yard with less grass than it suggests from a side vantage point. Tall and green just asking to be mowed. January temps me with glances at springtime. But I’m not falling for it. I recall that, past years and seasons, have come in spurts. Like taking breaks between growth. I understand that. I’m there now. This chapter in my season seems like it would never end at one point but after months and especially today’s talk therapy I’m seeing with a renewed curiosity. Still can’t quite grasp how the heck someone can live obliviously for so long, strive to make-up just to keep-up and see emotional breakdowns as normal and expected. I’ve wondered so many times how everyone else could be getting through life with such a peaceful and carefree pride simply described with “I’m so busy!” like it’s a badge of honor. A rung up on the ladder of socially adept. No one else exposed the option I was feeling so I kept mine to myself. If they could do it I must be able to too. If not able… expected. Expectations.
Today, I’m learning how to be me in a world that many of us struggle to keep up with in socially expected ways. I’m learning to set boundaries, say no and keep to myself when necessary, but also to join in socially with family and friends in the ways that I need. Learning why I’ve worked the people pleasing role and thought my purpose in life was to be available whenever someone needed me. On my part it was of high dreams to be what everyone needed from me and everything I wanted to do and be…but a low understanding of what I needed and had to give. And the funny thing is I didn’t even know there was an option for me to take space for what I needed.
It’s a simple example. Nature resting, pausing, being present for what comes next. Not rushing into anything. Not doing IT the way everyone expects or suggests but in tune with what’s needed from season to season. We tend to look at years as singular spaces for everything to happen in. New years goals!! Celebrations as if a year is all we’ve got. But, for goodness sake, take a pause to observe the magnificent monumentous trees… the canyons that have been carving their way the entire span of earths existence. The mountains rising and spewing … the ocean and rivers etching their way in and out of lands edges and interiors. A life time is a complete bundle of chaptered seasons. All linked and feeding off each other. It’s beautiful. It’s scary. It’s a heck of a lot of unknowns. It’s ours for pause and gentle growth.
I’ve said so many times this past +year that I don’t know how people go through life without holding faith in our Heavenly Father. If I didn’t have Him…. I fear I may have given up. My heart aches for those going through life like mine but without Jesus. My prayer is that my story can be of some hope to someone else if it be just one.
Hope you have a great day friends. Hope you are in a positive moment. Hope you see your heavenly purpose and how much God loves you! And that you can let your guard down around the whole god thing cause God is too real in my life for me not believe. He can be that for you too.
